Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
