Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
