I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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