Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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