I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
