Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
