Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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