Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They should really pass out barf bags in church
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
