And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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