And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
