Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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