I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
