dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
