you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
