so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
