You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
