just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
