Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
