Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
