how can u be prego again
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He shit in the fireplace
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
