naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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