a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
