even my farts smell like vagina
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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