sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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