it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
