no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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