Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I did not marry a roomba.
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