I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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