we made out on top of his cat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
