Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Randomize
