The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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