Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
