my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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