every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
