I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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