Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
