mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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