I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
