I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
