i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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