her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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