you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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