how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
