I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I died a long time ago.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
