Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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