apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
