He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Come share oat with me in your robe
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
