Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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