do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
