I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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