i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
