Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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